I'm trying to figure out when I became a "cancer patient". I've been trying so hard just to be someone with cancer but now I actually feel like a cancer patient. Not that anyone has been treating me that way, because I wouldn't allow it. It's just how I now feel. It's a terrible, helpless feeling knowing that toxic drugs are coursing through your body attacking everything in sight! At chemo last week, I met people who are either in their second chemo protocol because they needed more or beat one type of cancer and now have another. Heaven help me I do not want to do this again (and I still have 5 more rounds in this protocol)! It was hell staring that in the face last week. They say talking about it helps but until you can describe it, you can't really talk about it. I have decided that if something sounds good, I'll go ahead and eat it even if it isn't on my new diet plan as now is not the time to deprive myself. Besides, I don't feel like eating most of the time anyway.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Yep, I crashed and burned. I did manage to get a little more sleep last night and took a much-needed nap this afternoon. My strength tends to ebb and flow so you never know what you'll get when. Actually, afternoons seem to be better than mornings. What they don't tell you is that it's not the cancer that'll kill you, rather it's the malnutrition and dehydration that'll do you in! They weren't kidding when they said you can't "power" through this, although I was positive I could. I do, after all, have superpowers. Unfortunately, my powers seem to be failing me! I've been downing the Gatorade to keep dehydration at bay. Next week's schedule has built-in rest breaks so we'll see how it goes.