It hasn't been so much about "attitude" as just trying to get through it because there really isn't any other choice. Going through cancer treatment isn't because you have a choice, you do cancer treatments - you live or you take a chance on not living long. To me, it isn't a choice, its a given; you just do it. There are so many days that I have a “bad attitude” about my cancer treatments – chemotherapy does not play nice, and I don’t care what kind of attitude you have, it is no fun, and all the good attitude in the world isn’t going to change it!
So how do I get through this?
- My sense of humor, which I think becomes more twisted as I continue on this journey.
- I let myself have a “bad attitude about chemotherapy.” I've accepted it but I try not to let it rule me. I am A-OK with my bad attitude.
- I've accepted my tears and my pain; unfortunately it comes with territory.
- I try not to judge myself by how others deal with cancer and its treatments. One thing that I have learned when it comes to cancer and its treatments, is that it affects everyone differently… There is no one-size fits all in cancer, so you have to blaze your own trail to follow.
- I've accepted the fact I have to go through cancer treatments, and try not to spend my time asking “why me?” Cancer is an equal opportunist.
- I don’t beat myself up – chemo does a damn fine job on its own and doesn’t need my help.
I have been so lucky to have so many good friends in my life. Each of my friends has made my life so much richer, and I love the magic, the beauty, and the laughter they bring to my life! It has been so hard for me to share with my friends that I had cancer. I had planned to do this cancer journey by myself, but you know what? It has been impossible to do so. I find it so hard to ask for help. Cancer is teaching me to ask for help, and accept it… It still is not easy, and I still want to pull away from everyone, but my friends will not let me, and for that I am grateful. I just may learn that it is ok for me to let others take care of me and ask for help yet.
A special shout out to my friend Dana who made me her famous cinnamon roles and brought them by all because I said chemo causes me to crave "sweets". She barely got out the door before I attacked them! They were utterly delicious! Thanks, Dana!