Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Mastectomy and Menopause?

Today the hemovac drain was removed. Pulling it out felt so weird and hurt a little. I finally got a good look at the incision and what's left of my breast. There are 25 staples in there! I called it an A- cup but Hannah says that it's not even an A-! A--- maybe? They say that a woman who undergoes a mastectomy has to deal with not only the stress of coping with the cancer but also the anguish of losing her breast. Not that I was all that enamored of my boobs as they've mostly been a pain in the ass, getting in the way all the time so I was unprepared for the emotion that followed the first "real" look. I actually felt like a freak. It made me cry.
Apparently I was being too "active" today and Dr. Mom (aka Hannah) gave me holy hell. The surgeon says I can't go back to work for 10-14 days! He's killin' me. Then Dr. Mom was mad at me because I was running around the house flashing my non-exist boob at everyone. Sometimes she has no sense of humor. See, when Mike & I went to Sturgis in 2004 and everyone was flashing their boobs, I wasn't. Talked about missed opportunities! I was just trying to make up for it.
God/the Universe/Mother Nature (whatever you believe in) must have a sense of humor because not only do I have cancer but it's pushing me straight into menopause-hot flashes, night sweats and all. I've been waking up at night soaked and accusing Mike of peeing on me. Turns out it's me soaking the bed! And I swear I smell but hopefully now that I can actually shower instead of sponge bathe, I'll not feel so stinky. But I'll still feel freaky!!!

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry about your feeling like a freak. My grandmother had breast cancer and had both breasts removed. I still thought she was absolutely beautiful. I know that doesn't take the feeling away; it's your feeling about yourself and no one can change it or fix it for you. But I want you to know that a you can be beautiful even without your breasts.