Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Chasing the Devil

Well, I went back to work today & put in 9.5 hours. Sounds "normal" for me. It was nice to be back in the "chair". Work keeps my mind occupied so I don't obsess over other things, like hair loss. Today my mother found a black fur hat that actually fits me and looks pretty good so I'm keeping it for later. My latest obsession has been death. Not that I worry about dying but I do have fleeting thoughts about how my obituary would read and what my memorial service would be like.
See, we've "cheated" death before when Mike had his accident. I think this is payback as death thinks he's coming for me. But he's not. Yeah, he's lurking out there, hiding and just waiting. I've stared him down before when Mike was in the ICU. People on either side of Mike were dying and I felt that I had to stand guard at Mike's bedside. I did and it worked. Now, my strategy is to "chase the devil" [death] and make him run like hell! The further I chase him, the less chance of him getting me. The further off in the distance he is, the better. If I catch that little bastard he's gonna be sorry!!!
I've said before that time flies when you have cancer. Time is precious and it really is all we have. So, although it seems mushy and very much unlike me, I ask you to be sure to tell those you love how you feel. While anger and bitterness can sustain many people (some well into their 90's) I know that it can't sustain me. I've spent so much of the last 4 years being bitter and angry but then I realized that I had to let it all go in order to fight this battle. I have done so and face the breast cancer with a new, positive attitude. I promise to try not to hug you all too much!

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