You have to think about it this way. When you are told you have cancer, it amounts to being given a death sentence. All sorts of crazy thoughts run through your head. Mine were "Will I live long enough to see Hannah graduate High School? Graduate College? Get married? Watch my grandchildren grow up?". Next you realize that you have just set milestones to meet. Then you dive right into the self-pity. When you finally come up for air, you prepare for your recommended treatment. Then (hopefully) you vow to fight the cancer with all you've got and set out on your survivor's journey. And it can be a tough one. I've only had one instance where I was sure I was dying and that was after the last chemo treatment when I came down with that awful sinus infection. That on top of chemo was almost too much. I never really worried about immune system suppression because I was "powering through" everything. Yeah, wrong! I should have been more careful but even through all this I still think I'm bulletproof! I guess there's something to be said for denial sometimes.
Tonight I will be attending the Colleges for Cancer Relay for Life Survivor's Dinner at the UI. There will be dinner, an opening ceremony and then a survivor's lap to start the relay. I'm happy to participate but I always feel like I'm not doing enough towards the breast cancer fight. I have the best of intentions but can't seem to get it together. Maybe it's still all too fresh?! Hopefully one day soon I can get past the "freshness" of it all and become a more active participant in the fight against breast cancer.