Friday, April 2, 2010


Today was another infusion of Herceptin. While in some ways it's easier than the chemo regimen, in other ways, it isn't. I'm so very tired of visiting the oncology floor. As a woman living with breast cancer there are many long waits, doctor visits, test results, scans, the “chemo chair”, etc. As I am now halfway through this year-long treatment journey, I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now with my mother's own breast cancer diagnosis, all of those familiar, overwhelming emotions return. What gives me peace of mind during this time is music and focusing on my breathing. I often go to "my happy place" when it all seems too much. Though it is something I just learned recently, I recommend breath awareness to all, especially to those diagnosed with breast cancer. Just close your eyes and follow your breathing. Follow it as it travels through your body and find it as it calms and relaxes every muscle and nerve.
Each day, I put one foot in front of the other as best I can. Sometimes a cancer diagnosis brings us into a much deeper connection with who we truly are and allows new opportunities to enter our lives unexpectedly. You see, it is about “CHOICE”. A simple concept in theory but not always an easy concept to carry out in life. I have a choice, not only in the things I may or may not do everyday or the way I treat my cancer or the pair of socks I put on in the morning. But in the way I deal with every moment of the day. I have a choice to react with anxiety, fear, anger and despair, or to choose to react from a different place. And this simple idea gives me peace of mind. I can CHOOSE to react with calmness, quietness, love, faith or hope. Simple but powerful. It is easy to worry about jinxing things by being happy or expecting the best as life has already shown me that it can dish out the worst with one crushing blow. I am "choosing" to take my life back from cancer and the negative emotions that come with it. I will be okay no matter what. I will have fun. I will do the things I want to do and not ‘wait to get the results’.

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