Live Like You Were Dying

I'm feeling very emotionally drained. They tell me that there is emotional work, the “heart work,” to do around my cancer. I can make great medical decisions but do I really need to “feel” what had happened to me? I'd prefer to just go on as if a rather nasty event is happening to me. What does it mean to “feel” what cancer has done to my life? It's hard and painful at times, but do I really have to face the possibility of my own death? Can I now live the rest of my life without that fear? They tell me that dying without having lived is worse than dying itself. That reminds me of Tim McGraw's song Live Like You Were Dying. I've always liked the song but now I really understand it.

Live Like You Were Dying

He said I was in my early 40's,

With a lot of life before me,

And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.

I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,

Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.

Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.

How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.

Man what ya do.

And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',

I went rocky mountain climbin',

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.

And I loved deeper,

And I spoke sweeter,

And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,

And he said someday I hope you get the chance,

To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,

That most the time I wasn't.

And I became a friend a friend would like to have.

And all the sudden goin' fishing,

Wasn't such an imposition.

And I went three times that year I lost my dad.

Well I finally read the good book,

And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do

If I could do it all again.

And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity

To think about what you do with it,

What could you do with it, what can

I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]

Sky divin',

I went rocky mountain climbin',

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.

And I loved deeper,

And I spoke sweeter,

And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.

And he said someday I hope you get the chance,

To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.

I don't mind experiencing (living) life but I'm not sure I want to "feel" the cancer. I'd prefer to go on not having to think about all the possible consequences. I'd rather believe in my invincibility!