“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
What a great quote! Did you know that there is a "death clock" out on the Internet? The website is http://www.findyourfate.com/deathmeter/deathmtr.html. You enter a bunch of information into the form and it calculates your death date (a/k/a Armageddon Day). Supposedly my Armageddon Day is August 21, 2047, which means I'll live just past my 84th birthday! Not too bad considering I currently have an aggressive form of cancer (HER2+ tumors tend to grow and spread more quickly). Women with HER2+ breast cancer may be less likely to respond to certain breast cancer treatments and may be more likely to have a recurrence (return) of their cancer. I'm not trying to morbid, just realistic.
Now, if death freaks you out, don't go to that website!!! Most of us love life. Even those who, in a rebellious mood, argue that they wish they had never been born, want life. I don't think we dread death itself but rather the pain often associated with dying. But it is doubtful whether there is any pain connected with the actual death. Death is but the "twin sister of sleep." They say when you pass over, you leave behind all the pain and anger you experienced during your life.
I am no longer afraid of dying. I used to be but after being diagnosed with breast cancer I discovered that being afraid of death, gives death all the power. So I took it away from him. (I think death is a male because I can't believe that a woman would put us through such fear.) Way back in the beginning of this blog I titled one of the entries "Chasing Death" because I decided rather than run & hide from death, I would turn the tables on him and "chase him off"! I took back control. I also said that if I catch that bastard, I'm gonna kick his ass! I will admit that I have been putting my affairs in order, just in case. I'm not planning on kicking off anytime soon but I feel like I need a back-up plan. You see, when I have a back-up plan in place, I don't need it. So, keep your fingers crossed that I will live to see that 84th birthday!
I am not afraid of dying because I've lived a good life. I've had a good career with several crowning achievements, enjoyed a close relationship and some great times with Mike (before the accident), had the privilege of being Hannah's mom and got to be a roller derby girl! While there are still things I want to do, I am content with the fact that I have lived an authentic life. I don't think I can ask for much more than that. Well, maybe a winning lottery ticket!