Some more rules for dating a derby girl!
1. Men cannot compete with derby, you will always be sloppy seconds! Derby will always have her first.
2. She will never have “plans” with you. She will only have plans with derby and will only hang out when convenient. Your “plans” will be dropped for anything derby.
3. You are there to work out any frustrations. Derby leagues get into spats sometimes. Lucky for you there is a lot of frustration in roller derby.
4. Do not start talking about trying to take a vacation with her. She will immediately go into panic mode and start to think you are trying to take derby practice away from her. Vacation is only permissable in cities with other roller derbies. In such instances, you must entertain yourself as they skate. Go hide in the corner of the bar with the other derby widows, while the girls party and stay up all night talking derby with the new friends she made.
5. Don’t try to be the “manager”; do not try to get involved with derby business, that is only for the roller girl.
6. Don’t ask her teamates for relationship advice.
7. Don’t complain because your ( insert holiday here) date gets canceled because a bout has been scheduled. Holidays are no longer yours, even Valentines Day.
8. It’s not mandatory that you are at every bout.
9. Do not get jealous when your rollergirl talks to groupies. They are the ones buying tickets, beer, and merchandise, not you, so let them have their time. And remember, you get to go home with her!
10. Babies don’t make roller girls quit derby.
11. No the league doesn’t want you to travel with them.
12. Don’t make the following introduction, ” Hi I’m _____ and my roller girl is ______”
13. Don’t follow her around at bouts like a puppy, she is taking care of business. Find your own crowd.
12. Don’t go to league practice, and its normal to have them more than once a week.
13. Don’t stand in front of your rollergirl while she is skating, looking at her like she’s the greatest skater in the world. She’s liable to take you out.
14. Do not change your favorite team based on the type of rollergirl you date. Going from team to team just shows your not your own individual.
15. When she calls you when she is out on the road, don’t complain about when she is coming home. Consider yourself lucky that she even called you instead of spending the quarter on food or gas.
16. Never say anything negative about your roller girls league if you can’t say it to her. It will always come back to bite you in the ass.
17. If your dating a roller girl that wears a short skirt… she works it on the track. So, not only you will be able to see her Victorias Secrets.
18. Never cause a fight before your roller girl plays a bout. Relationship problems can be dealt with after the bout.
19. If they have a bout out of town, don’t drive just so you and your roller girl can have “alone time” or want to “talk”.
20. You cannot drink on your roller girls tab, buy your own!
21. Keep the derby seperate from your everyday life. That’s your roller girls passion, find your own.