Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Taking Control

I'm sick of feeling crappy. I’m sick of being sick. I’m also sick of writing about being sick and talking about all the stuff that goes with being sick. I read a quote from a woman who had ovarian cancer - she said, "You have to have hope. You have to take control." So that's what I have done. I decided that chemo doesn't get to make me feel bad anymore! Now I don't for one second think that I actually have control over the physical side effects of chemo but I sure feel better thinking I do! I'm tired of my life being "on hold". That's why I joined the Twin City Derby Girls. I've said before that sleeping is the one time I don't think about cancer; skating is the other. I fell in love with roller skating at age 4 and am thrilled to be at it again. When I'm out there on that rink, I am living in the moment, enjoying it to the fullest; cancer is the farthest thing from my mind. I am laser-focused on the task at hand--roller derby! When you have cancer, you feel like a victim, that you have no control of the situation and you can't stop it. But with Roller Derby, I have control of the situation.
Ten percent of your life is made up of what happens to you and the other 90% is how you react to what happens. Attitude is defined as a manner of acting, feeling or thinking that show's one's disposition, opinion and mental state. I may not be able to control the situation, but I can choose my attitude about the cancer- victim or survivor; passive or aggressive; depressed or striving toward joy and happiness; caught in the "why me's" or searching for the meaning of life. Cancer is a very powerful word. People think when they hear 'cancer' that they're going to die, and it's not necessarily true. Some people are cured of cancer, some live for many years with cancer and some sadly die. We really don't know exactly how each person will do. It is important to have hope and continue to live each day as fully and as well as we can. One thing I do know - everybody is going to die eventually. When I die, hopefully my friends and family will join together and celebrate my life. Whatever life I have, I must live it well, productively, with hope and love.

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