Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water

     Just as I try to forget about cancer and get on with life, I get slapped up side the head with a vicious reminder.  I found a small lump in my left collar bone area about 10 days ago.  That means an ultrasound, a CT scan and a biopsy.  Now, it could be absolutely nothing, but it has to be checked out.  Seems once a cancer patent, always a cancer patient.  I won't repeat what I exclaimed when I found the lump as it was wholly inappropriate and I'm sure I made some of the words up!  I refuse to go into "freak out" mode until we know exactly what we are dealing with.  I learned that the collarbone area near the throat is a very common area for recurrence, which may be why my oncologist had a worried look on his face.
     As my four year cancerversary approaches, I was feeling pretty smug.  I had kicked cancer's ass and really hadn't given it much thought lately.  But I think cancer hates to be ignored and decided that I wasn't taking it seriously enough.  So it had to show me who is in charge.  I've always said that I don't think I give enough in the fight against cancer, so maybe it is time to rethink that.  As I ponder how I ended up here, I now know that real life brings the unplanned and the unthinkable.  Real life challenges you to grow, to become more than you were. Real life is not safe.  It certainly hasn’t been boring, either.
     My birthday will soon be here and I plan to celebrate with some high school friends.  Back in high school I never imagined the trials and traumas that life would bring.  Back then, I never could have imagined the me I have become by struggling through those things.  I never knew I could take so many hits and keep getting back up.  There is something appealing about a simple, boring life but alas, it is not to be.  I will soon know if the fight is on again.

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