My pet peeve

Last night, upon hearing from a friend that she just lost a very good friend to cancer, I reflected upon my own situation. I recognize that I am one of the "lucky" ones. I beat cancer and continue to be healthy but realize that cancer can rear its ugly head again at any time. I sometimes feel like I live my life "on guard", just waiting for the unthinkable to happen again. Knowing that everyday people die from this disease, my pet peeve is when a cancer survivor says that cancer was a gift. I understand that (in an odd way) it can feel like that. I do acknowledge that many women, during and after diagnosis, dig deep inside themselves to find an amazing strength to become much stronger than they ever thought they could be. But I will never agree with that statement because it certainly never felt like that to me. Survivors are often perceived as courageous, partially because they are, and partially because they had to be. When you are given that kind of news it is an eyeball to eyeball with death moment, and most of us suit up with all of the strength we can muster and walk head first into treatment. I actually envisioned myself putting on a suit of armor, grabbing a sword & shield and heading off into battle.

But while you are already questioning every decision you are making, a celebrity like Suzanne Sommers releases a book suggesting that chemo is a pharmaceutical conspiracy. Maybe, but it's the best thing we have going at this point. Sadly, treatment doesn't always work and cancer takes lives. I have made my peace with that but decided to live my life to the fullest extent possible, just in case. I don't hesitate to try anything, whether it be a new sport (roller derby), food (crawfish etouffe) or a new job (working with teen parents) because life is to be lived. That old adage, "I'll sleep when I'm dead" takes on a whole new meaning as I push myself to prove it's true. That reminds me of Warren Zevon's song I'll Sleep When I'm Dead:

So much to do, there's plenty on the farm

I'll sleep when I'm dead

Saturday night I like to raise a little harm

I'll sleep when I'm dead

I'm drinking heartbreak motor oil and Bombay gin

I'll sleep when I'm dead

Straight from the bottle, twisted again

I'll sleep when I'm dead

Well, I take this medicine as prescribed

I'll sleep when I'm dead

It don't matter if I get a little tired

I'll sleep when I'm dead

I've got a .38 special up on the shelf

I'll sleep when I'm dead

If I start acting stupid

I'll shoot myself

I'll sleep when I'm dead

So much to do, there's plenty on the farm

I'll sleep when I'm dead

Saturday night I like to raise a little harm

I'll sleep when I'm dead

The song contains Zevon's trademark cynicism and morbid fascination. It features a man refusing to rest from his damned deeds with the note that he'll sleep when he's dead. The song suggests that with life so short and with only so many Saturday nights to "raise a little harm" there is no time for sleep. It also notes that if he stops being able to keep up his act and starts "acting stupid" that he'll shoot himself. I think it has become my personal anthem!