Friday, October 22, 2010

Life sucks!

For the past few weeks I've felt so crappy - physically, I mean. I thought it was the sinus infection but that's long gone and I'm still feeling crappy. I had some bloodwork done and I see my primary care physician next week. Maybe then we can figure out what's going on. It's worrisome because it makes me think the cancer is at fault. It is said that women with HER2-positive breast cancer have a more aggressive disease and a higher risk of recurrence than those who do not have this type. I only have 2 Herceptin treatments left yet here I am worrying about recurrence and having to go through this all over again! In a clinical trial, Herceptin was started with different kinds of chemotherapies. Some women received Herceptin with chemotherapies called docetaxel and carboplatin. This is the protocol I received. Women who received this treatment had a 33% lower risk of breast cancer returning compared with those who received chemotherapy alone. Not the best odds.
It's bad enough that I feel like crap but now I seem to be losing interest in everything. Sometimes it's all I can do to haul my ass up off the couch and get moving. I'm not sure why I feel so disinterested. I have stayed positive throughout this whole fight but now I just don't seem to care about much. I think it started when I met Rachel, the one-eyed cat. I realized that it is a cold, cruel world we live in. I just wanted to scoop her up, take her home and love & protect her but due to allergies, we can't have cats. I was hoping I could talk one of my friends into taking her (with my financial assistance) so I could visit her often but so far no one has. I can't help but feel that I am supposed to take care of her. She's a kindred spirit - she has one eye, I have one boob. We should be in this together!
I have heard that as treatment ends, you may miss the support you got from your health care team. You may feel as if your safety net has been pulled away and that you get less attention and support from health care providers now that treatment is over. Feelings like these are normal any time your regular contact with people who mean a lot to you comes to an end. Is that what I'm feeling? Or is it the fact I'm still unemployed and still searching for my purpose in life? Maybe that's why I'm so attached to the cat!? Perhaps I need medication...

1 comment:

  1. We all need medication. lol But seriously, hang in there. You are one strong chic and I have faith it will get better.