Gratitude

Today I learned that one of the gentlemen I went through chemo with is now in hospice care as the cancer is spreading out of control. What do you say when you learn this information? His wife recognized me as we were in the elevator together and I mentioned that since I no longer see him in treatment, I was wondering how he was. That's when she choked up and told me about hospice. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because of my health insurance situation and he is losing his life. It was like a slap in the face; the news made me cry. This is what happens when you spend a lot of time with so many people who have cancer. Although there are many cancer survivors in the community, there are still those who lose their battle. Does knowing these folks make me a better person? Absolutely. Does it make hearing such heartbreaking news easier? No. Although life has been rather sucky lately, I am grateful for many things in my life: my family, my friends, roller derby & the Twin City Derby Girls, the Young Survival Coalition, our dogs and even the fact that although I am battling cancer, I am feeling good.

Today's tarot card is the The Queen of Cups, which suggests that my power today lies in intuition and drama. I trust my intuition and nurture an environment of deep devotion, patience, and intense passion. I mirror my hearts desire and am never too busy to connect to those who trust, love and need me. "It's the thought that counts." Many can say "I would die for them" -- only I can live for them -- spoken with sincerity by a true "Drama Queen." I am empowered by embracing my emotions as a gift and unconditional love is my Holy Grail or gift. No intuition is more powerful than that of the Queen of Cups. She is the pure force of Water, and her connection with the subconscious is rivalled only by the High Priestess. She is often like a mirror, reflecting the hidden depths of others back to them, so they can see their own mysteries for themselves. However, her cup is closed, and her own secrets remain invisible to all, even to herself sometimes. Such is the paradox and fluidity of the Water element. Hardly ever manifesting as an event, the Queen of Cups is almost always found either in people near you, or in yourself.

Was I reflecting back fear and sadness today when I learned of my chemo pal's situation? I'm pretty sure I was as we all fear that will also be our fate. Even though I made her cry, his wife graciously told me that she had read of my job loss in the paper and knew that no matter what, I was strong enough to survive the cancer. That was one more thing to be grateful for--the support and belief others have for me!